A world-class golfer once came to me for coaching. She told me she needed help with the stress she felt when she was playing the last few holes of any competition in which she was in contention for the title. “My hands begin shaking, and I lose touch with the feel of the club,” she said. Her sense of pressure was heightened by the fact that if she could win just two more tournaments, she would be a candidate for inclusion in the Golf Hall of Fame.

Since it was impossible to simulate the circumstances of her stress, I asked the golfer two simple questions:

“What is the goal of golf?”
“Why do you play?”

Her initial answers were clear and simple. “The goal of golf is to complete each round with as few strokes as possible.” She continued, “Why do I play? First, I love the environment, second, I love competition, and third, I love expressing my God-given talent.”

I watched her closely as she responded. “So far your hands aren’t shaking,” I said. No foreseeable change would threaten her playing. “Are there any other reasons you can think of for why you’ve dedicated yourself to the game of golf?” I asked.

She reflected for a few moments, and then exclaimed, “Yes, there are other reasons. First, I owe something to golf. Before golf I was a nobody. Golf has made me someone. And another thing, I owe something to my loyal fans who depend on me to be in contention in every tournament.”

She paused, looked at me, and said, “Now my hands are getting shaky, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are,” I agreed. As soon as she shifted from talking about her love of golf to her feelings about the judgments and expectations of others, nervousness was inevitable. She was already looking down the road, to a time when she would no longer have the loyalty of fans or the identity of a pro golfer. She possessed phenomenal skills, but her inner stress—the fear of not living up to her self-image or the image projected upon her–was causing her stress and getting in the way of her performance and enjoyment of the game.

When she began to see what was blocking her, she regained her composure and starting talking about all the effort that was required to stay in top form to play professional golf. It was as if she were seriously considering if it was worth it. She decided it was. Although she didn’t win the next tournament she played, she was victorious in the one after it. Her elation was clear. She literally jumped for joy, into the lake beside the eighteenth hole.

This pro golfer was struggling with a reality that faces each one of us: making the distinction between who we are and what we do. We play many roles in life—parent, spouse, golfer, executive—but the outer reality is not who we truly are. One task of the Inner Game is to make that distinction, and then to allow our selves to shine through without the impediment of concepts and expectations that are not in line with our purpose. Once we do, we can be free of stress and play at our best–be it on the golf course, on the job, or in life itself.

About the Inner Game

It can be said that everyone is playing an inner game, whether they recognize it or not. That means that while we are all involved in outer games (endeavors and relationships in the outside world), we are at the same time faced with inner obstacles, such as fear, self-doubt, frustration, pain and distractions, which prevent us from expressing our full range of capabilities and enjoying our time to the utmost. The premise of the Inner Game is that success in life relies on balanced attention to both games.

At the heart of the Inner Game methodology are three principles;

1. Non-judgmental awareness.
2. Trust in one’s own self.
3. The exercise of free and conscious choice.

There is no question that external events can invite stress. If you’re worried about being laid off from your job, which is a pretty common situation these days, that’s a big stressor. The question is, can you make a distinction between your job and who you are? This ability to distinguish between self and circumstances can be learned, and the payoff is clarity and perspective that will alleviate stress and enable you to reach your external goals.

Mastering your inner game allows you to go through the challenges of life without becoming sick from chronic stress. The secret lies in knowing that you have choices about how you look at external events, how you define them, how you attribute meaning to them, and how you react to them mentally and emotionally. One core belief of the Inner Game is that every person has the internal wisdom to bypass those frustrations and fears that pull them into the negative cycle of stress.

I once heard that Tiger Woods’ Dad coached him about how to deal with stress while playing golf. He told Tiger that it was okay to feel any emotion on the golf course just as long as he did not hang on to it for more than ten steps. A picture comes to mind of Tiger Woods, strolling down the fairway to the green, cool and confident. He seems unaware of the crowd, completely settled within his own realm of comfort, imbued with a quiet energy and concentration. It’s not a question of being unaware, or of being cut off from the crowd. It’s a matter of being able to stay within his skin and not get in his own way. We can all have that quality.

© Amanda Ice, Publicity
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